How to Move Forward After a Divorce

Once you announce that you intend to file for a divorce, you need to protect yourself and your future. Legally, protection means ensuring that your property is equitably divided, that you receive the financial income you need for yourself and your children, that custody and parenting plans are established, and that all your other financial concerns are addressed. Emotionally and practically, protection means ensuring that you move forward with your life and your children’s lives.

There are many ways to get over your ex-husband or ex-wife. There are many ways to move on when the divorce decree is final. We explain why you need to move forward and what steps you can take to protect your emotional well-being here.

Your ability to move forward after a divorce will depend on whether you have children or not. When spouses have children, there is a more difficult balance because women and men need to find ways to communicate for the health of their children, but also must find ways to lead separate lives.

The suggestions that follow are based on our long-term experience representing both sexes and the thoughts of various divorce professionals, including divorce counselor Kate Anthony, Marriage.com, Healthline, and Psychology Today.

Make your own decisions

Many spouses are used to making decisions about their lives with their spouses. When you divorce, it’s better to learn to make decisions about your finances, what to eat for dinner, which friends to spend time with, what activities (such as the arts, athletics, or community affairs) excite you, your job, and all aspects of your life – on your own. There should be people in your support system who can help you make those decisions.

You can work with professional counselors for some guidance. As much as you can, you should learn to make decisions on your own. It helps to appreciate that making decisions for yourself is what makes your life fun and gives your life meaning.

Let go of the anger and feelings of sadness

Letting go of your past with your spouse is a healthy way to move forward. Spending time thinking about what didn’t work or why your spouse was impossible prevents you from living your own life and making your own decisions. It’s natural to feel upset that your relationship didn’t work out and to think through what would make for a better relationship with someone new, but emotional detachment is essential to moving forward. It’s time for you to make it on your own.

Take care of your physical and mental health

Some of the steps that Psychology Today recommends are:

• Focus on your health. Exercise, eat a nutritious diet, and get enough sleep. Don’t use alcohol, drugs, or food to cope with the stress of being alone.
• Take care of yourself. This includes engaging in hobbies and activities like reading, walking, and learning more about what interests you.

The healthier you are physically and emotionally, the better partner you’ll be in a new relationship and the better parent you’ll be for your children.

Get support from family, friends, and professionals

Just because you’re on your own does not mean you have to go it alone. Psychology Today and Healthline recommend that those moving on after a divorce get help in many ways:

• Your family and friends (from your marriage, before marriage, and new friends) help give you confidence and joy. The best family and friends are the ones who aren’t judging you but are helping you rediscover who you are. Many family and friends may also have gone through a divorce, and their shared experiences can help you start your new life. Try to make new friends through local interests, work, classes, and other methods.
• Professional help. Spouses may benefit from therapy after the divorce to move on from the past and engage in the future.
• Avoid isolation. Avoid isolation and self-pity. While connecting with people may seem like work, it’s those connections that give your life meaning and help you enjoy your life.

Generally, spouses should avoid using their children for support. Rather, it’s healthier when divorced spouses and children engage in school activities, community activities, travel, family and friends, and new adventures.

Cut the communication ties

Marriage.com recommends that spouses (except to the extent necessary if there are children) cut or limit their communication ties. Even when you have children, it helps to have separate social media accounts. Where possible, it helps to avoid the places where you might run into your ex-spouse.

Establish clear boundaries

Kate Anthony recommends that ex-spouses understand they have the same rights and freedoms as their former spouses. You have the right to live your own life without your ex’s permission, thoughts, or control.

If you have children, it will be necessary to create and work with formal parenting plans that govern where your child lives and the rights and responsibilities of each parent regarding your children. Parenting plans and daily co-parenting duties generally require that parents focus on the best interests of their children instead of competing with their ex. Parenting decisions and communications should be about the children – and not rehashing old grievances. Each spouse should respect that their ex has a new life with new relationships and new friends – and those relationships and friends should be kept separate.

We can help. Our law firm offers more than just legal advice. We have working relationships with child psychologists and divorce counselors. We’ve helped numerous clients protect their future and their children’s future. Call us or complete our contact form to schedule an appointment. We represent spouses in and around Franklin, Columbia, and Brentwood, Tennessee.